Ah, mom guilt. The label behind most of my struggles as a mother. I actually wasn’t surprised to hear that many of my followers struggle with this same topic. Mom guilt is something that can wreck havoc on a mothers mind by convincing her she’s not doing enough and throw her into a frenzy to try to find out how to do more and be better.
In this post I will talk about some of the most common experiences I have faced associated with mom guilt and how we can do the work to better understand our thought process around this subject. I am here to tell you that eventually we can retrain ourselves to eliminate some of the feelings of guilt and shame. After you have read this article, I want to offer you how you can take the next steps to addressing your mom guilt. When you’re ready, you can grab it here.
EVERY ONE DEPENDS ON US, MOMMA.
Let’s be honest, the household literally depends on us and most likely wouldn’t function to its optimal efficiency if we weren’t running the show. Who else is going to constantly interact with our kids, be their main source of entertainment, ensure they are progressing in their development, clean the house, do the laundry, plan and cook meals, maintain a successful career, go to the gym, meditate and do our hair and make up – literally all in a 24 hour period? Mom’s. That’s right, us.
It’s no wonder we are constantly wondering if we are doing enough for our kids. After reading about some of my followers experiences with mom guilt, I immediately asked myself “Why are all of these great mom’s doubting their greatness? Can they not see how awesome they are doing?”. But the reality is that we actually can’t see how incredible we are doing when we are flooded with a constant stream of never ending responsibilities. Not to mention negative self talk that most of us are not even consciously aware of.
When we finally have an opportunity to either settle down for the day or do something for ourselves that doesn’t include daily household duties, the mom guilt seems to creep right in. You know what I’m talking about here. That little voice in your head that tells you that spending time away from the kids is selfish, or that makes you question if you were a good enough mother that day.
IT’S TIME TO DO THE WORK ONCE AND FOR ALL.
In order for us to begin to do the work on our mom guilt and shame, we must first really understand where the negative thoughts generate from. After we investigate the source of some of these thoughts, we can then begin to break down the individual thoughts and reframe them to something more loving toward ourself. You can grab the next step of reframing your mom guilt journal prompt for the framework here.
PUTTING OUR FEELINGS OF GUILT TO LIFE.
First let’s grab a pen and paper and start making a list of the most common situations, thoughts, or narratives you tell yourself frequently. Some examples would be like “I feel really upset and full of guilt when I drive away to go get my nails done” or “Did I play with the kids enough today, should I have read more books to them, etc”.
As you start to list these thoughts and narratives out on paper, we are able to see something that is totally made up in our mind (for real, these are usually just assumptions, false statements, or worrying about something that never happened), brought to physical form in front of us.
When you see these out in front of you, begin to think about where these thoughts generate from. This will take some deep thinking, and I am challenging you to really dig into where these thoughts come from while being honest with yourself. It’s time to have an honest conversation with yourself about who you surrounded yourself with, who you communicate with the most, and your intention with social media.
I’m not telling you to cut off every single person you know and delete all of your social media accounts. I am challenging you to think about how who and what you let into your thoughts every day and how they make you feel. Just start observing.
BE PREPARED TO MEET A FEW OBSTACLES.
1.) You will face mental resistance. Your mind wants to keep you comfortable and it will do exactly what it is trained to do to achieve that, avoid anything uncomfortable. As we start to think about why we are thinking negative thoughts about our parenting choices or personal decisions, our mind will not want to see it. Give yourself some grace here as you literally train your mind to face the ugly parts of your thoughts.
2.) Realization that your mom guilt comes from unrealistic expectations we have placed on ourself. This one is always hard for me to face, and is always coming up in my own journey. If you’re anything like me, you have this idea in your head that motherhood is supposed to look a certain way, be extremely hard to manage and I must outperform even when it is hard. You might also think that you have to spend all of your time and energy with your kids and if you don’t, you aren’t doing your mom duties.
EXPECTATIONS ARE THE ENEMY WE MUST LEARN TO BE FRIENDS WITH.
These little expectations were dropped in our mental vision beginning when we were too young to even notice them. Society has always shown us that mothers can literally do it all, no matter what. To be honest, we absolutely can do everything because we do. But I think we are learning now that we don’t HAVE to do everything and now is the time to accept that.
This is where reviewing who you follow on social media is beneficial. In a world where everyone’s life (at least what they want you to see) is accessible at our fingertips, it is our human nature to compare what we have to what others have or are doing. There is a very fine line of a healthy comparison to others and an unhealthy one. I am learning to find that balance and will certainly keep you all in the loop for my mental practices to teach you as well.
Remember you are the one who controls who you follow. Are you left wishing your life was like someone’s you see online? Are you left feeling like you have to do more in your own parenting life when you see a particular individuals post? Be real with yourself here. We all place unrealistic expectations on ourself, commit to yourself to understand where yours generate from.
YOU WILL PASS ON YOUR MENTAL BEHAVIORS.
Parenting is our greatest life’s work. Our children will model the behavior they witness every day. Remember earlier when I said that we began piecing together our expectations of what motherhood looks like from a young age? Our children are doing that right now, too. Addressing your mom guilt will ultimately lead to your children having a lasting impression that you faced difficult situations with grace and positivity.
As we learn to navigate our emotions as grown women, we have the opportunity to teach our favorite tiny humans how to learn about their own in a healthy and productive way.
This post broke down the work that is required to understanding the sources of our mom guilt and mom shame. If you are ready to really start reframing your thought process, grab your free Mom Guilt Exercise that I have mentioned throughout this post. I promise you that you will learn so much about yourself and begin to change the way you approach mom guilt, with practice.
What did you learn about yourself during your thought banking exercise? Let me know in the comments!
If you want further support in understanding your mom guilt, you are always encouraged to reach out to me.
